Over-explaining is a trap—here’s how to get out

Less explaining, more impact.

If you’ve ever re-read an email five times before hitting send, added multiple sentences to “soften” a direct message, or felt the need to over-explain every decision—keep reading.

Over-explaining doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s rooted in control—the deep need to shape how others perceive you. It’s a paradox:

• You want to be seen, but you’re afraid of how you’ll be seen.

• You want to sound clear, but you add so much explanation that your message gets lost.

• You want to be understood, but you overwhelm people with too much information.

At its core, over-communication is a way of grasping—trying to make sure every word lands exactly how you intend. But ironically, the more you over-explain, the harder it is for people to grasp what you’re actually saying.

If this resonates, it’s not a flaw. It’s a signal.

You’re outgrowing an old way of using your voice. You’re stepping into a new level of yourself—one where you communicate with clarity, directness, and confidence.

One of the biggest areas where over-explaining happens? Feedback and difficult conversations.

When a conversation feels uncomfortable—whether it’s giving feedback, setting boundaries, or asserting an idea—there’s a natural impulse to fill the space. To soften, to justify, to over-explain. But clarity isn’t about using more words—it’s about using the right ones.

Society tells us not to care what others think. But the real power isn’t in ignoring perception—it’s in understanding it.

There’s a book on this idea called Say It So They Can Hear You. It’s not just about what you say—it’s about ensuring the person on the other end can actually receive it.

Society tells us not to care what others think. But the real power isn’t in ignoring perception—it’s in understanding it. The strongest communicators don’t just speak; they shape how their words are received. And that’s what this practice is about.

The 30-Day Practice: Five Weekly Shifts to Stop Over-Explaining

You don’t need to overhaul your communication overnight. Instead, this is a gradual layering process.

Each week, you’ll focus on one strategy at a time. Once you’ve built some comfort with it (which might take more than a week, depending on your communication opportunities), you’ll layer in the next one.

It will feel uncomfortable at first. That’s a sign it’s working.

As soon as one strategy starts feeling easier, layer in the next. By the end of this practice, you’ll have shifted your communication in a tangible way.

Week 1: The One-Sentence Rule for Digital Communication

Before sending any response longer than four sentences, do this:

1. Type out everything you want to say.

2. Then delete it.

3. Now, rewrite your response in one sentence.

This isn’t about being curt or robotic—it’s about training yourself to be clear and concise. When clarity increases, confidence follows.

Stick with this until it starts feeling natural—then move on to the next layer.

Week 2: The “Pause Before You Explain” Rule for Calls & Meetings

Now that you’re getting comfortable with digital brevity, add this to your in-person and video calls:

• Instead of filling silence, let it exist.

• Instead of assuming people don’t understand, let them ask.

• Instead of justifying, state things as fact.

This shift takes practice, but over time, you’ll realize most over-explaining comes from discomfort with being misunderstood. The truth? You don’t have to fill in every gap.

By now, you’re practicing both digital brevity and verbal pause. Once that feels a little easier, move to the next layer.

Week 3: The “Say It, Then Stop” Rule for Directness

Now, add the practice of removing qualifiers and softeners.

• Instead of: “I think we should try this…” → Say: “Let’s try this.”

• Instead of: “Does that make sense?” → Say nothing and let them ask.

• Instead of: “I just wanted to check in…” → Say: “Following up on…”

At this stage, you’re now working on three layers: digital brevity, verbal pause, and directness. Keep practicing all three—then layer in the next.

Week 4: The “One Thought at a Time” Rule for Leading with Authority

Now that you’re speaking with more clarity, the next layer is simplicity in ideas.

• One thought per message. Avoid disclaimers, side notes, or “just in case” explanations.

• One focus per meeting. If you’re leading a discussion, guide it with a clear point.

Simplicity signals confidence. Clarity creates momentum. By now, you’re doing all four strategies at once.

By the End of This Practice…

You’ll start noticing a shift. Not just in how you communicate, but in how people respond to you.

• Your messages will feel stronger.

• Your meetings will be sharper.

• Your leadership presence will be clearer.

And most importantly—you’ll realize that confidence in communication isn’t about saying more. It’s about saying exactly what needs to be said. Nothing more, nothing less.